I have a co-worker that I used to be fairly cool with, but lately she's been begging me to break my foot off in her ass. Case in point, I recently converted to a meatless diet. I have been given a fair amount of good natured shit about it by my friends, but THIS trick has taken the jokes too damn far. This past Friday she interrogated me for 10 minutes about my decision. Here are some excerpts:
Bitch: Can't you eat fish? Fish isn't meat.
Me: I won't eat anything with a brain
Bitch: But you're wearing leather shoes. That cow had a brain.
Me: I'm not wearing leather shoes.
Bitch: Let me see.
Me: (takes off shoe and contemplates chucking it at bitch's head, but thinks better of it. Hands bitch shoe instead)
Bitch: (looks at imprint on shoe that says 'man made material') Oh. Well what about eggs.
Me: No animal has to die to obtain eggs.
Bitch: What about the little baby chick, huh? It doesn't get the chance to live...
Me: (that's the last statement I hear before I start tuning her out)
I understand human curiosity. I also understand the need to bust jokes about shit we don't understand. But this chick was acting like my decision not to eat meat was affecting her adversely. YOU can still eat meat, Jip! Dang!
That same day, she gave me a bag of valentine cookies to give to my son. He loved them. I walked up to her today and told her so. She said "did you tell him I'm the only reason he got his own bag?". Huh? Sooooo...instead of being gracious and saying thank you, you choose to be an asshat? That's how you want this to play out?? Well, fuck you. You and your damn cookies can kiss my shiny brown ass.
Rant over.
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