Sometimes I wonder if my loneliness is self-imposed. I smile, joke and laugh...but my guard is never really down. I've been hurt by people whose job it was to love and protect me, but is that really any justification for locking myself away from happiness? Is it because I know that sometimes what looks like joy can cut like a dagger?
Maybe I should welcome the pain the cuts will bring. At least then, I'll know I'm still alive.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
God...grant me the serenity not to pop this byatch!!
I have a co-worker that I used to be fairly cool with, but lately she's been begging me to break my foot off in her ass. Case in point, I recently converted to a meatless diet. I have been given a fair amount of good natured shit about it by my friends, but THIS trick has taken the jokes too damn far. This past Friday she interrogated me for 10 minutes about my decision. Here are some excerpts:
Bitch: Can't you eat fish? Fish isn't meat.
Me: I won't eat anything with a brain
Bitch: But you're wearing leather shoes. That cow had a brain.
Me: I'm not wearing leather shoes.
Bitch: Let me see.
Me: (takes off shoe and contemplates chucking it at bitch's head, but thinks better of it. Hands bitch shoe instead)
Bitch: (looks at imprint on shoe that says 'man made material') Oh. Well what about eggs.
Me: No animal has to die to obtain eggs.
Bitch: What about the little baby chick, huh? It doesn't get the chance to live...
Me: (that's the last statement I hear before I start tuning her out)
I understand human curiosity. I also understand the need to bust jokes about shit we don't understand. But this chick was acting like my decision not to eat meat was affecting her adversely. YOU can still eat meat, Jip! Dang!
That same day, she gave me a bag of valentine cookies to give to my son. He loved them. I walked up to her today and told her so. She said "did you tell him I'm the only reason he got his own bag?". Huh? Sooooo...instead of being gracious and saying thank you, you choose to be an asshat? That's how you want this to play out?? Well, fuck you. You and your damn cookies can kiss my shiny brown ass.
Rant over.
Bitch: Can't you eat fish? Fish isn't meat.
Me: I won't eat anything with a brain
Bitch: But you're wearing leather shoes. That cow had a brain.
Me: I'm not wearing leather shoes.
Bitch: Let me see.
Me: (takes off shoe and contemplates chucking it at bitch's head, but thinks better of it. Hands bitch shoe instead)
Bitch: (looks at imprint on shoe that says 'man made material') Oh. Well what about eggs.
Me: No animal has to die to obtain eggs.
Bitch: What about the little baby chick, huh? It doesn't get the chance to live...
Me: (that's the last statement I hear before I start tuning her out)
I understand human curiosity. I also understand the need to bust jokes about shit we don't understand. But this chick was acting like my decision not to eat meat was affecting her adversely. YOU can still eat meat, Jip! Dang!
That same day, she gave me a bag of valentine cookies to give to my son. He loved them. I walked up to her today and told her so. She said "did you tell him I'm the only reason he got his own bag?". Huh? Sooooo...instead of being gracious and saying thank you, you choose to be an asshat? That's how you want this to play out?? Well, fuck you. You and your damn cookies can kiss my shiny brown ass.
Rant over.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
For Anyone Who Feels Trapped in a Bad Situation...
Listen to the song...read the lyrics...soak in the message.
rain is gone i feel the wind
brightest stars shinin in
a new life for love has come through
wish i had the words to describe
ridged feelings im so alive
let me tell you what i gained since leaving u
feels just like heaven
and a sunny day
definitely heaven
and a sunny day
feels just like heaven
and a sunny day
basically heaven
and a sunny day
no more breathing down my back
not too sure how to act
or even waitin for you to say i love you(i love you)
ill kiss myself and say a prayer
and feel the point of lovin when you were here
lovin me means more to me then losin' you
feels just like heaven
and a sunny day
definitely heaven
and a sunny day
feels just like heaven
and a sunny day
basically heaven
and a sunny day
Oh I'm in Heaven
rain is gone i feel the wind
brightest stars shinin in
a new life for love has come through
wish i had the words to describe
ridged feelings im so alive
let me tell you what i gained since leaving u
feels just like heaven
and a sunny day
definitely heaven
and a sunny day
feels just like heaven
and a sunny day
basically heaven
and a sunny day
no more breathing down my back
not too sure how to act
or even waitin for you to say i love you(i love you)
ill kiss myself and say a prayer
and feel the point of lovin when you were here
lovin me means more to me then losin' you
feels just like heaven
and a sunny day
definitely heaven
and a sunny day
feels just like heaven
and a sunny day
basically heaven
and a sunny day
Oh I'm in Heaven
Mama Never Said There'd Be Days Like This...(and frankly, I'm a little pissed off about that)
My sweet, fluffy baby at 6 mos.
My 13 year old...still sweet...but only when he wants a new PS3 game.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I'd just had the c-section that made me someone's mommy. The nurses had just finished doing the APGAR test and all the whatnot that happens when a new person first makes their way into the world. Finally, freshly diapered and swaddled, they handed me my screaming, bright red, cone-headed new son. My mom and I both looked at him in wonder. I was amazed...all I could do was stare at him, I mean, he'd just been inside my tummy not 45 minutes ago. I was so in love...I couldn't imagine not loving this perfect little creature.
Cut to 13 years later. That perfect little creature has been replaced by a moody, laconic, slightly smelly, hairy, moody, always hungry, moody, lazy, video game engrossed, moody teenager. (Did I mention he was moody?). When did this happen? Where did my sweet little boy go? And why didn't anyone tell me that teenage boys experience mood swings almost as violent and unforgiving as a teenage girls? Is this some sort of cosmic joke?? Well, I'm not laughing! You mean to tell me that not only am I living with an eating machine who hates doing chores, I have to put up with a 'tude, too? I mean...I can't even talk to the boy at times. Everything is "Mom, I know" or "what??", or "I am" and I'd hate to have to embarrass little dude, but I will embarrass little dude if I have to deal with that 'tude and that funky tone of his. My little brother says that it's just a phase and that he'll grow out of it, and I sincerly hope that's true, because I'd really like for him to live long enough to graduate high school. Right now...it's not looking good for him, I'll be honest.
Y'all pray for the boy...
My 13 year old...still sweet...but only when he wants a new PS3 game.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I'd just had the c-section that made me someone's mommy. The nurses had just finished doing the APGAR test and all the whatnot that happens when a new person first makes their way into the world. Finally, freshly diapered and swaddled, they handed me my screaming, bright red, cone-headed new son. My mom and I both looked at him in wonder. I was amazed...all I could do was stare at him, I mean, he'd just been inside my tummy not 45 minutes ago. I was so in love...I couldn't imagine not loving this perfect little creature.
Cut to 13 years later. That perfect little creature has been replaced by a moody, laconic, slightly smelly, hairy, moody, always hungry, moody, lazy, video game engrossed, moody teenager. (Did I mention he was moody?). When did this happen? Where did my sweet little boy go? And why didn't anyone tell me that teenage boys experience mood swings almost as violent and unforgiving as a teenage girls? Is this some sort of cosmic joke?? Well, I'm not laughing! You mean to tell me that not only am I living with an eating machine who hates doing chores, I have to put up with a 'tude, too? I mean...I can't even talk to the boy at times. Everything is "Mom, I know" or "what??", or "I am" and I'd hate to have to embarrass little dude, but I will embarrass little dude if I have to deal with that 'tude and that funky tone of his. My little brother says that it's just a phase and that he'll grow out of it, and I sincerly hope that's true, because I'd really like for him to live long enough to graduate high school. Right now...it's not looking good for him, I'll be honest.
Y'all pray for the boy...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Off the Stuff...(for good this time)
I made the decision to become vegetarian about 3 weeks ago. I decided to transition by remaining vegetarian at home and at work (the places I could most easily control what I eat) and if I went out to a party or a casual get together at a friends house with limited selections, I'd give myself the leeway of small quantities of meat. Well...cut to girls night at my best good girlfriends house on Saturday and a horrible gastrointestinal reaction on Sunday which I assume was caused by eating something I haven't had in a while...and I'm off meat for good. I talked to my son about it and he said, "Mom, I don't know if I can give up meat all the way, but I'll eat more vegetables and fruit". I don't think I can ask for more than that. I mean, he's 13 and decisions like whether or not to be vegetarian are ones he's capable of making for himself. I will say, however, that because he eats what I cook (mostly) he hasn't had meat in about 2 weeks and he's raved more about the vegetarian dishes I've cooked than anything I've made with meat.
I've attempted to live a vegetarian lifestyle once before. It was completely by accident. I had surgery on my thyroid and for about 2 months afterwards, I lost my taste for meat. This time is a more conscious decision. I think factory farming is inhumane and harmful for the planet, so this is me trying to do my part to make the Earth a more liveable place.
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